I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
two words: eviction party
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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