woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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