there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
