i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
