If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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