ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
