I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
