what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
