While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
