Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
How's work?
Spinning.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
