The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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