I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
