he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
