He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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