Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
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