Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
