My brain says no but my pants say off.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
