I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
