Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
