This gyro tastes like lonliness
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize