haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
