i'm signing you up for texting rehab
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Randomize
