i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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