i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
