I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
