I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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