I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize