she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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