what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
