I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
