Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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