you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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