Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
