New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
