whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
