So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
