I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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