I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
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