So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Panties = found
Randomize
