Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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