someone threw a dead crab at me
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
