I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
