Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
