I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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