508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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