yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
