Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
