is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
