Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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