god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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