I will die if light touches me.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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