I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Randomize
