It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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