I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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