Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
