thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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