Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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