i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
