Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Randomize
