I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
