So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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