pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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