u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
