so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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