So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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