Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Randomize
