When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
