and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I feel great
I just peed on a car
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
