I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
