I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Randomize
