This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
