Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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