why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
