2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
