like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
