all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
